Step Around The Three Hundred Pound Elephant ...please.
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"Yes, I have been in contact -with "X", by e-mail, over the past two years since before the reunion -every now and then." I responded.

He said, "I find that some people are really quite 'unique' when it comes to communications."

"How do you mean?" I asked

"Well ...in that they don't always answer or can't be depended upon to respond to my e-mail- even given that we are 'friends' or on a closer level than acquaintances.

I mean these are people who have a history with me and when I send an e-mail greeting, in some cases I don't get an acknowledgment. They don't even answer!" He said.

"Hmmm... I know for a fact that the ones you mentioned, have always considered you to be one of their "chosen" - not best buddies or lovers or anything like that, but close to the centre of their being, if you know what I mean."

"Well what is it with these people?" There was a slight touch of hurt in the voice.
"Are they just out-right rude or something?.. or is their silence supposed to 'be' the
"message-meaning-more-than-words" - like don't call me-I'll call you?" He ventured.

"I know what you mean - it can be quite perplexing, but- I think you may giving the 'lack of response' too much credit." I said. "I suspect that people these days are just really busy and probably this element is combined with a little complacence or mild laziness, since they know you and consider you a 'friend' and that you will know better."

"I mean, I think you are the type of person who, once you receive a communication, are very sensitive to proper communication protocals and get back to people very quickly. You, I suspect are the type who truly respects the nature of 'dialogue', in that, if one initiates communication with you, you owe them a response -and in good time, for anything else would be rude and a poor reflection on your character. But you also expect others -especially those who you deem as being special to you, to be LIKE YOU and behave 'in-kind'. And you get disappointed when they do not."

"All I know" he said, "is that some people are special to me and to get nothing in reply makes me wonder.

"What do you wonder?" I asked.

He paused and thought for a moment.
"Well in So-and-So's case, we had been kind of, close in high school and when I communicate with that person, it's like that "close" memory- is a 350 pound elephant sitting in the room and it must be tip-toed around- we or maybe, I, pretend it is not there since we are all grown now, even though I feel it's presence."

"Wait a minute" I said, "You are now talking about someone you went out with, or came close to doing so -or maybe you wanted to but it never did?"

"Yes." He replied

"So you figure then, that due to the 350 pound emotional memory elephant and underlying potential feelings, (that still could easily be there, if paid attention to,) but pretend are not, ... that So-And-So is in fact communicating with you by 'not' responding, - that maybe the message is -that they don't want to talk to you. So sometimes the elephant- potential feelings are too hard to ignore for them and that this elephant complicates the possibility of communicating with you -at this time?"

"Perhaps" He said.

"Hmmm - this is perplexing."

" On the other hand" he said, " When it comes to long distance e-mail communication with "friends from the past", I believe there are three types of communicators:

Firstly, those who were close and are responsible when it comes to communication.

Second - there are those who may have been close, but are poor communicators -that they do not respond in good time or at all, for various reasons -laziness, complacency and taking the relationship for granted -'You'll understand if I don't respond', or the 350 pound elephant factor causing fear in communicating. On a very subtle level they feel that by responding, it may tacitly imply acknowledgment of special feelings from the past...which complicate being "just good friends" nowadays.

"Third and lastly" He announced, "There are those who have always had dust-free, clean and neat simple lives with a plan - compulsively so; who have thrown into the trash can of obsolescence, everybody from the past. For them, the past does not exist. There is only "now".

These people are 'black and white' in nature. We recognize them from high school. They considered themselves "all-grown -up" and knew precisely what they wanted and have got it now - perhaps- and anything else is a distraction. Going to a reunion, would not be considered a worthy expenditure of what of their time -no offense intended, ...and you are simply a distraction, similar to distant relatives wasting time with well meaning innocuous chain e-mails - to be deleted immediately.

"Wow - you seem to have it all figured out!" I said.

"While I do not like the third group" he said, " I respect them since they are consistent. They never communictaed then and never will, although, I do feel very sorry for them since I suspect one day, when it is too late, they will wake up to the realization that they threw out that which may have mattered most."

"So you like group one and three, but you are perplexed by group two because they cannot conform to your sense of proper communication protocol or being afflicted by the 350 pound invisible elephant wish can be side stepped ever so gently."

"Yes" he said..." but an elephant -invisible or not- never forgets -especially when ignored!"