Mary Poland

Every now and again I will receive an e-mail out of the blue which takes me by surprise.

I received one of these two or three weeks ago from someone who I have always held in high regard.

There are some people in high-school I experienced head on, face to face and down right physically. With guys it was in sports, body checking, tripping, fighting, slapping on the back and in mock grown up style -shaking hands. With young ladies it was to perhaps explore worlds that were really quite unknown to me that had a more biological imperative, which during those years did not really go more than first or second base in my case ( if I am to mix metaphors). I guess that side of the contact while less pervasive on the physical side, did give me a wonderful look at the psychological and social.

Women in high school I found to be enticing new flowers trying on their colours and fragrances at the expense of, or despite the longings and pseudo agonies of the hound-dog side of the species.

Alas, I was able to discover an approach to things in grade ten and eleven which while not getting me any further ... in my would be sexual endeavours, did provide me with at least an intellectual sense of calm and insulation.

I tired to associate with women on an intellectual level devoid of the male/female pretense or mask over the smoldering lust beneath the social surface. I was able to occasionally develop an approach to the opposite sex which was like using oven-mitts in the kitchen on hot plates and yes, while cumbersome, did provide ample protection from harm in that arena or "kitchen". In short ...(as I was short) I dropped the idea of 'scoring' physically and began exploring the idea of connecting with 'minds' and watching modes of behavior - in class, the halls, doing the cigarette thing behind the church, at parties and dances, almost as if I was in a lab.

I tried (not always successfully) to objectify my presence and create a safety zone so that the vibe women would pick up on, would be less of overt silly teen sexuality and more an objective observer who would not cause any harm. I know -contrived, but socially effective.While this worked as I gained trust, it certainly also succeeded at a cost - a profitable sex life. Yet, despite my big mouth, I found I had developed a modest sense of discretion. However, I digress.

It was in that state of  would-be 'objective tourist', that in my observances, I could not fail to notice others that seemed to be like myself - adrift and yet connected, those who could link in to most groups without being an intrinsic part of any one of them; other 'observers,' patiently waiting for their respective time in the venerable institution to end so they could get on with what life had to dish out.

It seemed to me Mary Poland was a kindred spirit in this guise. But I think she was much better at it than I.

Her smile in the hall when passing, always conveyed a warmth buoyed by ever sparkling eyes, comments always couched in gentle sardonic wit with just a hint of intellectual prowess that promised far more if one dared to take up the challenge.

It is this impression in particular, -always evoked when I think of Mary Poland, another 'observing tourist' in the glass hallway, linking up, letting go, retreating back to the self-port and then back out to other academic endeavors and social distractions.

At the end of the day, even though I contemplate my memory of Mary, I think it would be accurate to say we all were somewhat caught up in the steps of this dance in the continual search for warmth in the night of transition- yet perhaps some got precariously closer  to the fire than others.

But the connection in the hallways with Mary was always in the smile, the eyes and finally in her comments to me- generous, but laced with sardonic intelligence underscored with a spirit of caring.

So when recently I received Mary's e-mail - ( message in a bottle) - to reach out to her and help in a personal quest to join the war on cancer by donating to her 'walk', my thoughts went back to that time.

I then checked out her website and invited her to lunch- which we did a week or two later.

Such courage and determination!

For those of us to whom mobility has been the norm, a 'walk' of such length around the city in this 'march' of determined souls, would be like a few rounds of 18 holes in golf, but Mary has an impediment to the fluidity of motion we all take for granted - even though she certainly could dance back then and gracefully in her way.

She has had to endure much discomfort in this life, that we will never have to deal with. I have known only two friends who experienced Polio and they both seem to have a greater sense of life appreciation than me. They also have developed the ability to keep their mask on without perhaps shrieking at my complacency and that of many who take our existence and lack of 'discomfort' for granted as we complain about the red light days in the traffic of our lives.
I invite you to click on the link below to visit Mary's web site, -see her picture...and while you are there, do as I have done - find your way up the screen to the big green 'donate' button and donate some money to a worthy investment to our society, children's future and higher cause. L.

Click here to visit my personal page.
(Mary Poland)